Thu, 13 Apr 2017 09:15:48 +0000
By Philip Chirwa
“Look here, young man, “ the giant threatened, his clean-shaven head glittering in the hot afternoon sun. “If you don’t stop insulting me, I will beat you. Do you hear?” he barked.
But the boy, strikingly handsome and sporting an Afro hairdo that gave him a rather feminine look, wouldn’t be cowed. Aged about 18 years and wearing an attractive red/white track suit that matched well with his dark complexion, the boy challenged the giant, “You can beat me if you want, but give me my money back.”
“Are you crazy?” asked the giant angrily. “Did you see me stealing your money, you little idiot?” He then turned to go, but the boy courageously blocked his way, saying, “I won’t allow you to go until you give me my money back. Don’t try to be clever for nothing.”
The scene was amusing – a little boy creating trouble for a giant of a man sporting a white t-shirt. As the two argued, a crowd of curious onlookers soon milled around them, anxious to know what was happening. It was obvious that very few people understood what was going on.
The incident took place at the site of the new headquarters building for the Zambia National Insurance Brokers which was then under construction just opposite the Industrial Relations Court on Dedan Kimathi Road. The spot is just a stone’s throw from the Inter-City Bus Terminus.
GIANT: “Young man, what do you want? Have respect for elders.”
YOUNG MAN: “How can I respect a thief? You are a pickpocket. You have stolen K70 from my pocket. I saw you with my own eyes and I want it back.”
GIANT: “You insolent little fellow, don’t you realize that you are committing a very serious offence by accusing an innocent man of being a thief? Are you aware that you can go to jail for that?”
YOUNG MAN: “Old man, don’t try to be clever. Just give me back my money if you don’t want to spend a night in the cooler.”
Someone in the crowd asked the young man if he was sure that the giant had stolen his money since the latter looked so decent and innocent.
“It’s true, uncle, I swear, this old man is a thief,” came the boy’s reply. “Unfortunately for him, he has stolen from a wrong person today because I will not leave him alone.”
To the crowd’s amusement, the boy held the tall and hefty fellow by his right hand and asked him to accompany him to the police post at the Inter-City Bus Terminus “so that the police can establish who between us is telling the truth.”
There was hilarious laughter in the crowd when the giant shoved the boy off like a fly and asked angrily, “What are you trying to do, young man? Don’t get me angry, because if you do, you won’t like me. “ He hen turned to the crowd and said, “I think this boy has gone nuts. He needs to go to Chainama (Psychiatric Hospital).”
But the boy insisted the giant accompany him to the police post. After some time, the giant agreed and the two started walking side by side towards the police post, a large crowd following from behind.
As they were approaching the bus terminus, the giant heard a girl calling him, “Ba Joe! Ba Joe!” He looked in the direction of the voice and saw a beautiful girl standing by the roadside with a friend. Upon recognizing her, he shouted, “Yes, darling, how are you and where are you coming from?”
The girl replied that she was coming from the local courts at the boma and asked the giant if she could see him.
This annoyed the boy who felt the girl was wasting his time. “If you want to see your boyfriend, go and wait for him at his house and bugger off, “ he shouted at her. But the girl, who apparently didn’t know what was going on, insisted that she wanted to see the giant and that the boy had no right to stop her.
The boy was obviously not prepared for such a challenge from the girl, so he went up to her, held her by the collars of her dress and shook her. “I have told you to get out of here, haven’t I? Don’t you have ears? If you don’t leave this place, I’ll beat you,” he shouted.
“You can’t beat me, “ the girl retorted. “ You can only beat me if I have eaten your mother’s food. I haven’t quarrelled with you, so how can you beat me? For what?”
The boy angrily poked his forefinger into the girl’s left cheek and asked her to behave. “Remember that I’m not your boyfriend, so don’t be stupid, “ he warned.
At this point, the giant also crossed the road and warned the boy that he was going to “forget” himself and beat him up if he continued misbehaving. “This is why I’m saying you should go to Chainama,” he said. “Why are you behaving like an idiot?”
Meanwhile, a policeman in uniform arrived at the scene and asked what was going on.
“This boy is very stupid,” the young beauty answered, obviously secure in the knowledge that with the lawman around, she was quite safe. “I don’t know him and yet he has the guts to come and assault me for no apparent reason.”
“Yes, boss, this young man is a pure Chainama case, “ the giant concurred. “He doesn’t look normal. He has been making all sorts of accusations against me, but knowing that he is not himself, I haven’t done anything to him. I am a very patient man, otherwise I would have broken his ribs already.”
The officer then looked at the boy suspiciously and asked, “ What do you want? Have you gone crazy?”
Realising that the giant was up to mislead the policeman, the boy revealed, “Ba officer, listen to me.”
POLICEMAN: “I’m listening.”
YOUNG MAN: “This old man you see here is a shameless thief, a pickpocket. He has stolen K70 from my pocket and I want it back. I wanted to beat up this girl because she was involving herself in matters she knew nothing about.”
POLICEMAN(TO THE GIANT): “So you are a thief, er?”
GIANT: “No, sir, this young man is telling lies. I know nothing about what he is talking about.”
YOUNG MAN: “But he is a thief! As he is standing here, he has K70 which he snatched from my pocket. He is not even ashamed of himself stealing from a young person like me. Ba officer, don’t listen to him. The old man is a shameless thief.”
POLICEMAN: “In what denominations was your K70?”
YOUNG MAN: “I had three K20 notes and two K5 notes.”
POLICEMAN: “Are you sure that if we searched this man, we would find him with that kind of money?”
YOUNG MAN: “I swear.”
The policeman then asked the duo to accompany him to the police post for further investigations. On arrival, the giant was led into the cells while the boy remained at the Inquiries Counter.
Shortly afterwards, the policeman was heard shouting at the giant from the cells, “You thief! Why were you refusing when the young man was telling you that you had stolen his money? Where did you get this K70?” Then WHAP! WHAP! went the sound of a sjambok. “Why were you refusing, tell me!” WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!
There was no response from the giant…..
The author is a Lusaka-based media consultant who also worked in the Foreign Service as a diplomat in South Africa and Botswana. For comments, sms 0977425827/0967146485 or email: pchirwa2009@yahoo.com
