CALL-GIRL ALMOST CHEATS PLAYBOY

TAKING part in neighbourhood watch patrols could be quite exciting at times. Of course, as a journalist, a patrol could only warrant being described as exciting if there was some drama in it.
I would consider it an exciting night if, for instance, you confronted a gang of criminals trying to break into a house, or if your patrol team was called in to stop a drunken brawl taking place within your area of jurisdiction.
As secretary of the Northmead Neighbourhood Watch Association in the 1990’s (from 1990-2000), I took part in a number of motorised night patrols involving some of our community members and armed paramilitary police officers.
Usually, each patrol team consisted of three residents of our area and two armed paramilitary policemen. Vehicles used were donated by community members living within Northmead. The donor was usually the driver of the car we were to use during a particular night patrol.
There had been a combination of both exciting and boring patrols – boring in the sense that the nights were so peaceful you wouldn’t think there were any criminals in the world.
The boring nights were those where we would drive from one end of the township to the other, patrolling each and every street three or four times per night and we would not come across a single criminal.
The only people you would perhaps come across, if any, were those returning home from various night spots in the city.
It was during one of such patrols when we stumbled upon an interesting incident. Initially, it appeared as though we were in for another boring, incident-free night. We had patrolled every corner of our area but we wouldn’t come across any suspicious-looking characters to brighten up the night for us.
In fact, the whole of Lusaka appeared to be in a coma that night – so peaceful. We had a communication radio with us, so as we patrolled our area, we were able to hear what was going on in other parts of the city as other patrol teams on duty that night were also reporting that everything seemed peaceful in their areas.
Just when we were beginning to get bored for lack of finding something to excite us, we saw a tall, hefty-looking man walking alone on one of the streets we had just passed. The time was then about 02:15 hours. We reversed the car and went to confront him.
We noticed that the lone night prowler had a clean-shaven head and put on what appeared to be a greyish t-shirt. He looked a toughie, all right, somebody fitting the description of a wrestler.
We introduced ourselves and asked the giant who he was and where he was going at that odd hour of the night. He said that he was also a resident of Northmead and was then proceeding to his home.
“But you are supposed to be in bed now,” said one of the policemen accompanying us on patrol that night. “You are the people who terrorise residents of this area by breaking into their houses.”
But the giant swore that he was an innocent man and pointed at a nearby house as being his. “You have found me here because I am crying over my money,” he said. “A certain girl has just cheated me out of a cool K16, 000 (unrebased) and I don’t know what I am going to do because that was the only money I had for food at home.”
“Wow!” I exclaimed. “Robbed of K16, 000! How did it happen?” I obviously failed to understand how any girl could have had the courage to rob such a giant of a man.
As if reading my mind the giant, who said he was popularly known as “Uncle Joe” among his friends and drinkmates, explained that he had actually been duped out of his money by the girl and that she must have done so with the connivance of the taxi driver he had hired.
The mention of a taxi driver and his conniving with the girl to dupe him of his money didn’t seem to make sense to us, so we asked him what he was talking about.
“Well, it went like this,” he began.
According to him, he had gone to drink at a popular night spot in a nearby shanty compound. While there, he met this young cute chick whom he proposed love to and she agreed to spend the night with him at his house.
“Meanwhile, we chatted and drank. I then realised I had a lot of money on me and if I kept it with me, I might squander it. So, I produced K16, 000 and gave it to this chick of mine so that she would keep it for me.
“She got the money and put it in her bra, after which we continued drinking and chatting. As the time was approaching 02:00 hours, I told my girl it was time to go. I then hired one of the pirate taxis parked outside the bar.
The taxi-driver charged me K2, 500 for the trip and I paid him on my arrival at home. Soon after the taxi driver had dropped us, and we were about to enter my yard, which had a grass fence, my girl said she wanted to answer nature’s call.
“Not suspecting anything, I allowed her to go ahead. By then I was already inside the fence while she was outside. I stood there waiting for her. I am sure you know, officers, that the act of passing urine is not something that can take that long.
But in the case of my girl, I thought she was taking too long. Some minutes passed and yet there was no sign of her. Wondering what was causing the delay, I went to check for her. Imagine my shock when I discovered that she was nowhere to be seen.
I had no idea where she could have gone and this was what worried me most. What if somebody killed her? I would be in trouble because I was the last person to be seen in her company. So, I started looking for her.
Then, all of a sudden, I saw the very taxi I had hired driving off. The sight of the taxi in the area so soon after the disappearance of the girl naturally made me suspicious.”
“Why did you get suspicious?” I asked, obviously enjoying the story.
“I have a strong feeling that there’s some link between the girl and the taxi driver. If I were to go to the night club now, I have no doubt I would find the taxi driver because that’s where he operates from at night,” the giant replied.
The victim, being a resident of our area, we decided to lend him a hand by taking him to the night spot in question in the hope that he might recover his money. The time was then running to 03:00 hours.
And as the man was directing us to the night spot where the alleged offence was committed, he kept telling us: “I hope that taxi driver is not involved in this because I don’t know what I will do to him.”
“You mean you will bash him to a pulp?” I asked jokingly.
“I don’t know what I will do to him if he is involved because stealing K16, 000 from somebody at this time of the month is not a joking matter. It’s killing somebody,” he replied. “As it is, I have no money. I am completely broke.”
On arrival at the night spot, we found a chain of pirate taxis parked outside. We slowed down to enable the giant to identify any of the taxis parked there. And as luck would have it, he identified one parked at the far end of the line.
To prevent any possibility of escape, we parked our car just behind the targeted vehicle, effectively blocking it.
The two armed paramilitary police officers then jumped out of our car and surrounded the pirate taxi
When the complainant peeped in through the window of the taxi, he could not believe his eyes; for seated there was the same girl he had hooked for the night and she was there enveloped in the amorous arms of the taxi driver who was busy kissing and caressing her!
“What do you people think you are doing, er?” the giant shouted angrily. “How can you dupe me like a child?”
It was apparent that the couple inside were completely taken by surprise; for when they looked around to find themselves face to face with the complainant in the company of armed paramilitary police officers, they seemed at a total loss as to how to react to the situation.
“Where is my money, you idiots?” the giant asked, seething with rage.
The embarrassed and trembling call girl came out of the taxi crying that it was all the taxi driver’s fault. “I told him it wasn’t right but he insisted I come back here with him.”
Meanwhile, the taxi driver remained in the car, speechless.
At this juncture, the giant thanked us for the assistance and told us we could leave. “I will deal with these chaps,” he said. “Don’t worry about me. I am safe.”
And as we drove back to our command post at the Northmead Shopping Centre, I could not help but feel sorry for the girl and her taxi-driver lover.
.The author is a Lusaka-based media consultant and freelance writer. For comments, sms 0977425827, Whatsapp 0777259558 or email: pchirwa2022@yahoo.com.