WHEN the 23-year-old saleslady, Bianca, dialed mobile number 09200060 with the intention of confirming something with a “Major Greenfield Mwendafumbo,” a dating agency had recently connected her to, she was surprised to be greeted by a woman’s voice saying, “Hello, can I help you?”
BIANCA: “Is that 09200060?”
VOICE: “Correct.”
BIANCA: “So, can I speak to Major Mwendafumbo please?”
VOICE: “Major Mwendafumbo? Who is he?”
BIANCA: “But that is 09200060?”
VOICE “That’s correct.”
BIANCA (surprised): “And you don’t know Major Mwendafumbo? I have been talking to him on this very line for some time now. In fact, I last talked to him on the same line two days ago. How come you don’t know him?”
VOICE: “My dear, I don’t know anybody by that name. My husband’s name is Mr Wapena and he is not a soldier. How can one become a major without being a soldier?”
BIANCA: “The Major Mwendafumbo I am talking about was a paymaster at Kohima Barracks in Kabwe. He has recently been transferred to Lusaka and he is supposed to be accommodated at Buffalo Village in Makeni, at least that’s what he told me.”
VOICE: “I can’t blame you my dear. I think my husband is up to some mischief. Only two days ago, I received a phone call from a girl called Tina. She also asked to talk to Major Mwendafumbo and when I told her I did not know anybody by that name, she too sounded surprised.”
BIANCA: “Did she? And how did she get in touch with you? Using the same mobile number?”
VOICE: “I know this sounds a puzzle to you, but if you agree to cooperate, I’ll tell you everything. Suffice to say that Tina phoned me using her own mobile phone which she had apparently lent to the so-called Major Mwendafumbo.”
BIANCA: “And he is not a major as you have said?”
BIANCA: “Not even a non-commissioned soldier. The man is a loafer, He has not been in employment for the past two years or so. I am the one clothing and feeding him; meanwhile, he goes around masquerading as a major. My foot! Would I be suffering like this if I was married to a major?”
BIANCA: “But he told me he was single and without children.”
VOICE: “My husband is a crook! Fortunately or unfortunately, he does not have any child with me but he has two grown up daughters from different mothers.”
BIANCA: “But mum, how did you get married to such a man? You sound a respectable woman.”
VOICE: “I didn’t know. He crooked me the same way he wants to crook you and Tina. He told me he was a major in the army and since I had always wished to marry a soldier, I fell for him. It was only after we got married that I realised he was actually a no-body. But then it was too late to leave him. People would not understand.”
When the two finally met face to face, they could not believe their eyes when it turned out that they were former schoolmates in Ndola. Meanwhile, they traced Tina and arranged with her to participate in a trap to corner the so-called Major Mwendafumbo.
Bianca, who had not surrendered her phone, was encouraged to maintain contact with the “major” to facilitate his entrapment.
And so it was that “Major Mwendafumbo” arranged with Bianca to spend a night with her at her New Kamwala home that Sunday. Meanwhile, he lied to his wife that he would be away to Kabwe for a day or two to see a sick relative. The wife simply wished him a “safe journey.”
By 19 hours on the appointed Sunday, Ms Wapena, accompanied by one of her husband’s elder sisters, Neria, had already arrived at Bianca’s house in New Kamwala. Tina joined them shortly afterwards.
Ms Wapena, Neria and Tina hid in one of the bedrooms while Bianca remained in the sitting-room watching TBN as she waited for her “lover” to arrive.
The suspect arrived shortly after 20 hours, looking somewhat drunk. Finding Bianca seated alone in the sitting–room, he asked her for a kiss, saying “You know how much I love you darling. What are we going to eat tonight?” When Bianca said the requested kiss could wait for a moment and instead offered him a bottle of Mosi lager from the fridge, the suspect looked surprised and asked, “What’s happening? My own lover denying me a kiss! No ways! I have to kiss you first and then take the Mosi later.”He was in the process of planting a kiss on the reluctant Biancca’s cheeks when an angry female voice rang out from behind, “You stupid idiot! What do you think you are doing? “It was his wife, Rita, shouting at him.
And before he realised what was happening, Tina also walked into the room, accompanied by his elder sister, Neria. The two just stood there staring at him silently as his wife gave him a thorough dressing down.
The wife was telling him,”I have never come across an ungrateful man like you. I’m clothing you, I’m accommodating you and feeding you. You are not working. You are just a loafer.
I have kept you here for two years and the only way you can reward me is to flirt with other women to whom you pose as a major. How can a mature man like you tell such blatant lies? Aren’t you ashamed of yourself?”
At this juncture, Neria chipped in, “Brother the old people (parents) will be very angry with you over this issue. You have such a good wife and you disappoint her like this. Anyway, you are a man. I hope you know what you are doing.”
Rita then told her husband that she did not want to see him at her house any more. “As far as I am concerned, I am over and done with you. Send somebody to come and collect your belongings.” So saying, she thanked Bianca and Tina for their cooperation and assistance, after which she went away, followed by her sister-in-law, Neria.
Meanwhile, Bianca also ordered the disgraced “major” to get out of her house at once “because I am not prepared to live with a jobless crook.”
After the man had left, Bianca and Tina looked at each other for a while with the latter saying, “Hmmm. This is indeed a strange world. How could anyone suspect that such a handsome man was a crook?”
And Tina replied, “This should be a lesson to us. Next time we get men, let’s make sure we investigate them thoroughly. This business of getting impressed by the mere external appearance of a man can prove quite disastrous. We are lucky that none of us slept with the conman.”
The author is a Lusaka-based media consultant and freelance writ4r. For comments, sms 0977425827, Whatsapp 0777259558 or email: pchirwa2022@yahoo.com.
